A Heart Full of Gratitude, A Heart Full of Ache

A Heart Full of Gratitude, A Heart Full of Ache I just finished a Google Meet call for Sana’s vigil in Singapore. Hearing her friends and family speak about her with so much love brought a flood of emotions. Their words painted such a vivid picture of her kindness, her infectious laugh, and her bubbly personality. As I listened, I found myself transported back to moments when her smile could light up a room and her voice brought warmth to those around her. It struck me how much I miss her—her presence, her laughter, her essence. Though I try to find solace in believing she’s in a better place, my heart aches with an intensity I can’t describe. Sana often believed she didn’t have many friends, but how wrong she was. Hearing her friends share their memories of her made it abundantly clear just how deeply she was loved and how profoundly she touched their lives. She underestimated the impact of her love and kindness, and today, those stories reaffirmed what I’ve always known—Sana was extraordinary. While my heart swells with gratitude for the love poured out for her and the support extended to us, it also feels heavier than ever. The joy of hearing her celebrated is accompanied by the sharp sting of her absence. Idris was physically present at the vigil, and I know his heart, like mine, is full of sadness. We miss her in ways words cannot capture. The loss of Sana has left a void that nothing can fill, and for the first time, I find myself uncertain about how I will heal or move forward. And yet, amid the pain, I am profoundly grateful. Grateful for the beautiful memories that others shared, grateful for the love that continues to surround us, and grateful for the community that honors her in such a heartfelt way. Grief is a journey without a roadmap. But moments like these remind me that while the ache may never leave, neither will the love Sana gave or the love she continues to receive. And perhaps, that’s where healing begins—not in moving on, but in carrying her with us, always.