Balancing Happiness and Grief

Balancing Happiness and Grief The loss of a child cannot be explained. It isn’t something you move on from—it’s a void that takes up permanent space in your heart, a weight you learn to carry but never put down. With Sana’s birthday approaching, I wake up each morning with a knot in my heart and my stomach. The ache sits quietly beneath everything I do, reminding me that she’s not here to celebrate, to laugh, to make plans for her special day the way she used to. At the same time, we’re preparing for Maahir and Serena’s wedding ceremony—a small family celebration, filled with love and excitement. It’s a beautiful moment, one that should bring only joy. And it does. But it also comes with an undercurrent of grief that I can’t shake. Balancing these two emotions—profound loss and genuine happiness—is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. Grief doesn’t take a break for celebrations, and happiness doesn’t erase the pain. I often find myself feeling guilty: guilty for feeling joy when my heart is still broken, guilty for smiling when part of me still aches for Sana. Yet, as I navigate these feelings, I remind myself that both emotions can coexist. I can honor Sana’s memory while still celebrating Maahir and Serena’s new beginning. Loving and missing one child doesn’t take away from the love and pride I feel for the other. So I am learning—slowly, gently—to hold space for both. To do justice to Sana’s memory by living with love, and to honor Maahir and Serena’s journey by being fully present for their happiness. Maybe this is what grief truly is—not the absence of love, but love that has changed form. And through it all, I carry Sana with me, as I always will.