A Mother’s Quiet Fear

A Mother’s Quiet Fear: How Grief Shapes Every Moment Maahir and Serena’s trip was something we had all been looking forward to—a chance to break away from the routine and create new memories. But life has a way of throwing unexpected challenges, and a bad case of food poisoning forced them to cancel. While it was disappointing, my reaction was far from what it might have been in the past. When Maahir first began feeling unwell, with nausea, stomach pain, and vomiting, my mind instantly went back to Sana. These were the symptoms she endured all too often. Yet, she faced them with a quiet strength that still humbles me. Sana rarely complained, even on the toughest days, while navigating constant discomfort. Watching Maahir struggle for just two days reminded me of the toll these ailments must have taken on her. It was heartbreaking to realize how much she had gone through silently. In normal circumstances, I might have reacted with frustration or sadness to the cancellation of their trip. But now, all I felt was a dull sense of disappointment. Trauma has stripped away the highs and lows, leaving behind a numbness that colors every experience. The only strong emotion that crept in was anxiety—not about the trip, but about Maahir’s health. Having lived through Sana’s viral infection and the unimaginable outcome that followed, every minor illness now triggers an overwhelming fear. My mind races to worst-case scenarios, replaying the past as if it could happen all over again. The trauma has rewired my brain, making it impossible to separate a simple health issue from the shadow of loss. Grief changes you in ways you never expect. It hollows out emotions, leaving behind a person who struggles to feel fully. I find it hard to cry, even when my heart feels like it’s carrying an unbearable weight. The tears don’t come, but the pain remains, quietly shaping every thought and action. This journey of grief is one I never wanted to take, but it’s now a part of who I am. Life moves forward, but it does so in shades of gray. Moments of happiness are fleeting, and fear lingers in the background. Yet, in the midst of it all, I hold onto the memories of Sana’s courage and love. They are my anchor, reminding me to keep going, one day at a time.