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Thursday, October 3, 2024
Finding Faith in the Midst of Grief: Growing Around the Pain
Yesterday, I reconnected with a friend I’ve known since Maahir was just two years old. Our kids were in the same playgroup back then, and over the years, we lost touch as life took us in different directions. Eventually, we reconnected when they moved back to Singapore, and now that both of our children live in Chicago, they’ve remained close. My friend has gone through her own journey of pain, having battled a serious illness, and now, she’s found solace and purpose through pranic healing.
As we talked about our individual traumas and the paths they’ve led us on, we both came to a shared realization—there’s a divine purpose in our lives. A reason we are here, and once that purpose is fulfilled, we return to our creator. This idea is one that has given me comfort, something to hold onto as I navigate my own grief.
During one of my therapy sessions, my therapist shared something that resonated deeply with me. She described grief as a ball stuck inside a bottle. The ball doesn’t shrink, nor does it grow, but the space around it—our lives—needs to expand. This metaphor is such an apt description of how I feel in my journey with grief. The pain doesn’t disappear, but we learn to grow around it, finding ways to live even as that loss remains a part of us.
An incident during Sana’s palliative care reminds me that faith has been showing me little signs of comfort all along. There was a male nurse at the hospital, who also happened to be an artist. I was in such a daze at the time, wrapped in the surreal experience of saying goodbye to my daughter, that I barely remember him sitting outside Sana’s room, creating artwork. But I do remember my cousin walking into the room with something the nurse had made—a beautiful piece of art containing a prayer I grew up with.
It’s a powerful prayer that my father used to say every day, one I carried into my own life. I would pray it for my family, and in times of difficulty, both Sana and Maahir would always ask me to say it for them. That prayer had comforted us through many tough times, and now, it found its way back to me in the form of this artwork. I placed it near Sana’s bed, believing with all my heart that it would bring her peace.
Sana passed away early the next morning, peacefully and without struggle. I believe that prayer found its way to me when I needed it most, offering a sense of closure and solace. It was a small but profound miracle, one of the many signs I’ve come to recognize as messages from Sana, my angel in heaven.
In times of grief, faith and spirituality often become our lifelines. They don’t erase the pain, but they help us find meaning in it. I believe that prayers, meditation, and spiritual healing are tools that help us navigate our darkest moments. Grief never really goes away—it stays with us like that ball in the bottle—but through faith and these small miracles, we learn to expand the space around it.
For anyone walking this path of grief, remember: we must grow around the grief. We may not understand it, we may never find the answers we seek, but in that growth, there’s healing. It’s slow, and some days it feels impossible, but bit by bit, we learn to live with it, carrying both the pain and the love of those we’ve lost.
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