The Importance of Validation: Lessons from Grief

It’s ironic, isn’t it? We often don’t truly validate people when they’re alive. We tend to overlook or dismiss the small gestures, the moments that seem insignificant at the time. We get caught up in the busyness of life, thinking there will always be time later to show appreciation, to give positive affirmations, to acknowledge the impact they have on us. I wish I had done more of that with Sana. In the days since her passing, I’ve been reminded of all the little things that made Sana special—recollections shared by friends and family. Her dear friend from Occidental, who had been in touch with her when she lived in New York and had visited us in Singapore, stopped by recently. They hadn’t been as close in the last few years, but when she heard the news about Sana, she and her fiancé, who had also met Sana, made the time to visit. She shared stories, little moments of connection they had, and it brought Sana’s presence back to me in a bittersweet way. Just last week, one of Sana’s colleagues reached out to say how much she missed her. The school year had started, and she missed seeing Sana’s smile and hearing her laughter. These are the stories that fill my heart with both joy and pain—joy in hearing how much she was loved, pain in knowing she’s no longer here to share those moments. It’s in these memories that I realize how important it is to give validation, to express our love and appreciation for those we care about while they’re still with us. I wish I had done more of it with Sana. Not because I didn’t want to, but because I always thought there would be more time. It’s a hard lesson to learn, but one I hope to carry forward. If there’s anything I can offer to those reading this, it’s to take a moment today, right now, to validate the people in your life. Tell them how much they mean to you, appreciate the little things, and give them the gift of affirmation while you still have the chance. Don’t wait, thinking there will always be more time—because sometimes, there isn’t. In grief, we hold on to these bittersweet moments, the memories of kindness and connection. But if we can be more intentional while we still have the opportunity, maybe we can soften the ache that comes when those we love are gone.