The Silent Weight of Favoritism

As a child, I often asked my mom, “Who is your favorite?” Her response was always the same: “You’re all the same to me.” Yet, as a parent now, I know that deep down, we sometimes have a slight preference—not in love, but in who we relate to more. For me, Maahir is the child who mirrors my personality, and I can say that Sana was just like her father, Idris. Sana used to tease me, saying, “I’m Papa’s favorite, and Maahir is yours.” Like my mother, I’d deny it. It’s not about favoring one child over the other, but about naturally connecting with the one whose personality reflects your own. Idris and Sana had a special bond. They both enjoyed debating, playfully arguing over the smallest things. It was their way of bonding, of expressing love, even in the midst of an argument. There was joy in that dynamic for them. And I, on the other hand, connected with Maahir in a quieter, more reflective way. Since Sana’s passing, I’ve noticed a shift in how we parent. We tend to overcompensate with Maahir. Perhaps it’s the unconscious need to pour more love into the child still here, or maybe it’s a way of trying to fill the void that grief has left. It’s natural to want to do more, to make sure your other child knows they are seen, loved, and cared for. But as we navigate this new reality, I’ve realized that we must be mindful. Grief can lead us to overcompensate, and while there’s no right or wrong in how we grieve, it’s important to keep balance. We don’t want to place undue pressure on Maahir, to make him feel like he has to fill Sana’s space or that we expect more from him because of our loss. Grief can complicate the already delicate balance of parenting. It can magnify emotions, heighten attachment, and sometimes blur boundaries. The key, I’ve learned, is to remain conscious of these shifts and to ensure that while we may feel the pull to overcompensate, we also give ourselves grace. There's no manual for how to parent through grief. It's a delicate dance of loving fiercely, honoring the child who is no longer here, and ensuring that the one who remains knows they are loved for exactly who they are. There is no easy path in this journey, but as a family, we continue to navigate it together, with the memory of Sana always in our hearts and the love for Maahir growing stronger each day.