Unpredictability

The Unpredictable Path of Grief and Healing Grief has a way of working through us, often in ways we don’t understand. Sometimes, it feels like the only way to survive it is to stay busy. I’ve found that keeping my mind occupied, especially with tasks or new goals, helps numb the weight of sorrow, even if just for a moment. I truly believe that mental health struggles, in some form, can be managed by staying occupied. I saw this with Sana. Her anxiety was a constant companion, but her work—her passion for helping children—was her escape. Being around them gave her the strength she needed to keep moving forward. She thrived in that environment, and it was the one place where she could momentarily forget about everything else. In many ways, I find myself in a similar situation now. I’ve been lucky enough to find work I enjoy, but when I’m home, the exhaustion is overwhelming. There are days when just leaving the house feels like an impossible task. Yet, every day, I find myself applying for new jobs—sometimes without even knowing why. It’s become a cycle. I already have two jobs, but the act of applying gives me a false sense of productivity. It’s almost like a form of retail therapy, where the momentary distraction of applying for something new gives me brief comfort. It reminds me of when Sana would buy something on impulse—something small, maybe. The momentary gratification would calm her, but only for a while. I never judged her for it because I understood that need for a release, that temporary relief from the storm within. The truth is, our minds can be an enigma, especially during grief. Logic takes a back seat, and emotions seem to govern everything. The erratic thoughts, the illogical decisions—it’s all part of the healing process. And though we often don’t understand what we’re doing, it’s a sign that our hearts and minds are trying to cope with something that’s too much to bear all at once. So, to anyone reading this who may be behaving in ways that feel out of character, I want you to know it’s okay. It’s a part of healing. Every day, I remind myself of that too. Grief is unpredictable, and there’s no one way to navigate it. But we keep moving, in whatever way we can, until we find a bit of peace.