Creating a space for Sana in our new home

As we navigate the heart-wrenching process of winding up our apartment in New Jersey, Maahir and I are confronted with the harsh reality that Sana is no longer with us. The simple act of saying the words, “Sana has passed,” feels surreal, as if uttering them somehow makes it all the more real. But as we close her bank accounts, terminate her phone service, and sort through her belongings, it feels like we’re erasing her existence, bit by bit. This process of letting go is far more painful than I could have ever imagined. It’s not just about the physical act of clearing out her things; it’s the emotional toll of trying to be practical when every item we touch is infused with memories. It’s hard to reconcile the idea that a person, full of life and creativity, can pass away and then, slowly, life resumes as if nothing has happened. Is it really that simple? As we sifted through her belongings, we discovered a treasure trove of handmade photo albums and cards Sana had created over the years. She was incredibly creative and loved surprising us with these heartfelt gifts. How can I possibly throw them away? These are not just objects; they are pieces of her, fragments of her love and creativity that she left behind. The thought of discarding them feels like losing her all over again. One way I’ve found to cope with this overwhelming sense of loss is by thinking of how we can keep Sana’s memory alive as we move forward. We’re relocating to a new apartment in Chicago, a move that once seemed exciting but now feels insignificant in the grand scheme of things. Yet, as I contemplate our new home, I find a flicker of motivation in the idea of creating a space dedicated to Sana. The original plan was that she would move with us, and even though she’s not physically here, I want her presence to be felt in our new space. We’ve decided to dedicate one of the rooms to her memory. We’ll paint one of the walls lilac, her favorite color, and fill the room with her pictures and artifacts. This room will be a sanctuary, a place where we can feel close to her and remember the vibrant person she was. Creating this space in our new home is a small way to honor Sana and ensure that her memory remains a part of our daily lives. It’s not about holding on to the past or refusing to move forward; it’s about acknowledging that she will always be a part of us, and that her creativity, love, and spirit will continue to influence our lives in meaningful ways. As we prepare to leave New Jersey, this room in Chicago represents more than just a place to remember Sana—it’s a symbol of how we are carrying her with us into the future. It’s a reminder that while we may be letting go of certain things, we are not letting go of her. She will always be with us, in our hearts and in the spaces we create.