When Yoga Fails: Confronting Anxiety and Memories

Yoga has always been a cornerstone of my health routine. As a mother, I tried to inspire my family to embrace this practice too. Maahir was somewhat open-minded about it, but Sana resisted. I often told Sana that yoga could help reduce her anxiety and depression. However, she would always respond, "Mom, it really doesn't help, and I am unable to use my breathwork when I am anxious." Yesterday, I went to my yoga class, hoping it might alleviate my elevated anxiety and PTSD. My anxiety has been so intense lately that it's challenging to function. I pushed myself to attend the class, clinging to the hope that yoga might offer some relief. While I could perform the yoga flow poses, every time I closed my eyes to breathe, I experienced a panic attack. Sana's words echoed in my mind. For the first time, I left the yoga class with more anxiety than I had before. The source of my anxiety is my upcoming trip to New Jersey. Returning to the apartment where Sana lived before her final hospital admission is overwhelming. Her belongings are scattered in every corner of that apartment. The thought of going back and sorting through everything is giving me nightmares, sleepless nights, and a constant feeling of panic. No yoga, exercise, or distraction can help me power through this. I am unsure how to face my fears and take that flight. This journey feels like an insurmountable challenge, and the anxiety it brings is a heavy burden. Sometimes, even the most trusted methods of coping fall short, and we're left to confront our fears head-on, without the comfort of our usual tools.