Tears- a powerful tool

The Power of Crying: When the Heart Final Finds Its Voice There is a strange feeling that I have been trying to put into words lately. It is a feeling of emptiness. Not necessarily sadness in its conventional sense, but something deeper. Almost as though my heart has a hollow space that nothing seems capable of filling. Sana used to tell me that her mind was always active. It was as though her thoughts never stopped, that there was always something going on inside her head. I find myself thinking about those conversations now because, in many ways, I resonate with what she described. While her mind seemed to be constantly occupied, I feel as though my heart is constantly carrying an emptiness. I have also been reflecting on the role antidepressants play in our emotional lives. They can be incredibly helpful in making pain more manageable, particularly when grief and anxiety become overwhelming. But I have come to realise that, at least in my experience, there can be another side to them. Sometimes, while they soften the intensity of sadness, they can also soften the intensity of other emotions. The pain becomes quieter, but so can everything else. Over the past few weeks, I have noticed a change in myself. I have been feeling my emotions more deeply. I have been able to cry. And strangely, I am grateful for that. For a long time, perhaps I had become accustomed to keeping my emotions contained. The medication helped me function, get through the day and carry on with the responsibilities of life. But functioning and feeling are not necessarily the same thing. Sometimes we become so focused on managing our pain that we forget that emotions also need space, expression and release. I often think about Sana during her hospitalisation. There was a period when she seemed remarkably calm. I sometimes wonder whether, after all those years of a mind that was constantly active, she had finally found a moment of quiet. Perhaps the exhaustion, the circumstances or something else had temporarily silenced the endless activity in her mind. I will never really know what she was experiencing internally, but I remember that calmness. Sana was capable of expressing herself. She could be passionate, articulate and deeply expressive about the things she believed in. Yet I sometimes wonder whether she also kept certain emotions buried beneath the surface. Whether, like so many of us, she found ways to carry feelings that she didn't always know how to release. We often underestimate the importance of expressing emotions. We encourage people to be strong, to stay positive, to carry on and to find ways of coping. But perhaps we don't talk enough about the importance of simply letting ourselves feel. Crying is often perceived as a sign of vulnerability or an inability to cope. I am beginning to see it differently. Crying can be a form of release. It is one way our bodies respond to emotions that have accumulated inside us. It doesn't necessarily take away the sadness, solve a problem or change our circumstances. But it allows us to acknowledge what is there rather than continually pushing it away. And sometimes, there is something incredibly liberating about crying out loud. When I cry for Sana, I am reminded of just how much I miss her. I am reminded of the conversations we will never have, the thoughts I can no longer share with her and the countless little moments that I once took for granted. The tears bring the absence into focus, but they also make me feel connected to the depth of my love for her. Perhaps that is why I am grateful to be able to cry again. Not because crying makes the grief disappear, but because it allows me to experience it rather than simply exist alongside it. I am learning that emotions are not something we need to control all the time. They need to be acknowledged, expressed and allowed to move through us. We don't always have to find the right words, make sense of our feelings or put on a brave face. Sometimes we just need to cry. And perhaps there is a certain strength in allowing ourselves to do so. Sana , I often wonder how much you carried inside that wonderfully active mind of yours. I wish I could have understood every thought, every feeling and every emotion you didn't express. Today, when I cry, I think of you. And in those tears, I find an expression of something that will never leave me: how deeply I love you and how profoundly I miss you.**