The Ways Her Presence Finds Me

The Ways Her Presence Finds Me They say that when you lose a child, there are many ways their presence continues to find you. I think I am beginning to understand what that means. Today, a friend’s daughter-in-law came over. Her name was Sana, and there was so much about her that reminded me of my Sanu. She was gentle and soft, with a warmth that felt strangely familiar. And then I discovered that she confused her left and right—just like my Sana did. It may seem like such a small coincidence, but it stopped me. Sana always had her own strategy for figuring out which was which. She would look at her hands and remember that the hand with which she could make an “L” with her fingers was her left. I smiled when I heard this young Sana had the same little quirk. These are the moments that make me wonder if there really are ways that those we have lost continue to surround us. Tomorrow, Sana’s friend Mishtea is coming over. She was Sana’s senior at school, and since Sana’s passing, she has done so much to honour her memory. She helped make her memorial at Singapore American School happen, arranged a plaque in Cambodia, and found a way to honour her on her birthday. And now, another unexpected connection—Mishtea has been accepted to the University of Chicago, which means she will be coming to Chicago often. There is something incredibly comforting about this. I sometimes feel as though the universe is gently surrounding me with people who are connected to Sana. People who knew her. People who loved her. People who carry stories, memories, and pieces of her that I can still hold on to. I know these connections cannot replace her. Nothing can. But they remind me that her life touched so many people, and that her presence did not simply disappear when she left this world. Sometimes it appears in a person who happens to have her name. Sometimes in a tiny mannerism that only a mother would recognize. Sometimes in an old friend who unexpectedly becomes part of my life again. Maybe these are the blessings the universe sends after loss—not to take away the pain, but to remind us that love continues to find its way back to us. And lately, I have been noticing those little blessings.