Dreams, Weddings, and the Echo of a Missing Heartbeat

Dreams, Weddings, and the Echo of a Missing Heartbeat: The recurring dreams of Sana have started, pulling me back into the vivid landscape of her presence. Even though I'm here in Mumbai, a place I consider a safe space, surrounded by family and the unconditional love that is so characteristic of home, these wedding festivities paradoxically amplify the ache in my heart. The joy and celebration that swirl around me only serve to underscore her absence, making the void feel even more pronounced. It's particularly difficult to watch Sana's cousins, who she grew up alongside, so vibrant and full of life, getting ready for the wedding. They're adorned with beautiful clothes, sparkling jewelry, and their hands are intricately decorated with henna. Each joyful squeal and excited flutter of activity brings a fresh wave of grief. I try, truly I do, to focus on the future – on the hope of one day replicating these same joyous festivities for Maahir and Serena. I envision their celebrations, a hopeful future, but inevitably, my mind wanders back to the profound emptiness Sana's absence has left in my life. People see me smiling, participating in the dances, chatting with relatives, and they assume I'm happy. But my heart isn't. I manage to put on a brave face, an appearance of strength for everyone around me, yet no one truly knows how deeply I miss her amidst all these celebrations. The constant stream of "how are you's" and the expectation to be jovial are exhausting. It's a performance, a well-rehearsed act to shield others from my pain, but it leaves me feeling isolated in my grief. My nephew, Danny, who is here from Singapore, is one of those special few who loved Sana deeply, almost like a sister. Last night, as a family, we found ourselves in a rare moment of introspection, talking about the past. The conversation drifted to my dad's passing and the inevitable question that always follows: "Is it fair?" This led us, as it always does, to Sana's passing. "Is it fair? Is destiny fair?" These questions ignite a simmering anger within me, a raw, hot emotion that feels ready to explode. I am trying, with every fiber of my being, to believe she's in a better place, that there's a divine reason for this immense loss. But the anger and the grief are fierce, relentless companions in these moments of bittersweet joy, battling for dominance within my heart.