Triggers

We’ve all heard the term "triggers" – those seemingly small things that suddenly evoke painful memories, often catching you off guard. For me, the list of triggers is long and overwhelming: hospitals, doctors, cancer, illness, and especially death. Even hearing these words can send shivers down my spine and cause my body to react as though it's in danger. The reaction is so severe that even a loud sound can make my entire body tense up, as if preparing to brace for the emotional storm that follows. I have found myself retreating into a cocoon, trying to insulate myself from these realities. Is this sustainable? No, it’s not. But I’ve come to realize that it’s okay to feel this way right now. It’s okay to grieve and to have these emotional responses. Currently, my world is small. I have limited my interactions to a few trusted people who truly understand what I’m going through. These are the people I don’t have to explain myself to; they already know the depth of my pain and don’t need me to put it into words. It’s comforting to be surrounded by those who get it without needing explanations.I’ve had so many people reach out to me, offering their kindness, their time, and their words. But I find myself unable to connect with them, not because I don’t appreciate it, but because I don’t have the energy to explain the weight I carry every day. It’s as if the world has moved on, and I’m still here, frozen in the moment where everything changed. My life has become a series of mundane routines, but I find solace in them. Being around Maahir, Serena, and Mia gives me a sense of fulfillment, even if it’s just the quiet moments together. There’s something deeply healing about this kind of everyday presence, no matter how simple it may seem. To anyone else going through the intense waves of grief, be kind to yourself. You’re allowed to take the time you need. It’s okay if you can’t engage with the world in the way you used to. It’s okay if all you can manage is to get through the day. There’s no rush. Grief moves at its own pace, and we have to let ourselves move with it, not against it.